Activecitizen54's Blog

BLAST From The PAST 12.18.13

Posted in Uncategorized by activecitizen54 on December 18, 2013
BLAST From The PAST 12.18.13
Excerpts from Tori Beach Chronicles foundation documentation.
All rights reserved by the author and any reproduction is strictly prohibited.
It is 10/3/13 and I’m more alone than ever in life over the past 30 years.
There have been many changes over the past couple of years and, for me, the joy of day-to-day life with my friend Lee is the best thing that has ever happened.
If nothing else Lee; please know that I love you; without attachment, unconditionally; ALL because of who you’ve demonstrated yourself to be over time  This man who is chemically-altered is not the Montgomery Lee Freeman that I know.
Losing Bea & Avery destroyed me and maybe I’ve not taken the time to grieve, who knows at this point?
Watching my Friend Lee destroy himself with crystal meth is worse.
I grieve every day looking at your gaunt face and ribs.
I pray for your health, safety and welfare every day.
I saw; demonstrated the full cycle of abusive behavior through your aid in manipulation of the JIM. 
How long do you think it will take until the novelty wears off?
Ask Larry.
I am wounded and in pain from the unending denigration and being the object of your paranoia; all chemically induced.
When I look at the calender and the events of your paranoia’s appearance it coincides with your use of crystal meth.
Perhaps my first mistake was pandering to the paranoia by moving me out to the shed, I don’t know and autopsy is not important now.
What am I to do when my Friend Lee, a man whom I care deeply about his health, well-being and success in life is destroying himself and me?
I am not perfect Lee and never claimed to be perfect.  I have no expectation of perfection from others but honesty is demanded.
I am sorry that I’ve brought us to this point but I didn’t get here alone although I will be left alone to deal with the fall-out and repercussions; absolutely ostracized and alone.
I will miss you deeply and in time I will recover but that time is yet to be determined as I am lost this moment.
I am totally insane, depressed, locked in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as I’ve not experienced since Mikey The Beer Sponge and absolutely without hope.
I understand your anger and the crystal meth rage too, been there, done that, have a good handle on it and not going back for the Tee-shirt or the Baseball Cap.
The things I don’t understand are your concerns with “others” opinions, attitudes and games.
The Game wasn’t and isn’t required now or ever Lee.  The man I know would’ve simply said that “this doesn’t work for me” and taken responsibility in moving on with the courtesy, the honesty the open love, trust and admiration you’ve been delivered.
There can be no denial of the game because of the very real documentation and that still exists.
With or without benefits I am your friend now and always and as a friend I am devastated by the constant denigration, the insistence that I’m delusional when the history, the record supports the reality of life going to shit with the introduction of the poison of crystal meth into our lives.  That’s right Lee, “our lives” because of what once was an enviable friendship without a harsh word passing between us for years and years.  How do you justify your contempt of the real history Lee?
The humans associated with the substance are vile, thieves, liars and only concerned with their addiction.  You make it clear that is more attractive to you than unconditional love, support to the very best of my ability and the complete and total honesty you in your game have utilized as a weapon intent on murder.
The truth is that an addict is only able to hold one relationship and that’s with their substance of choice.
What is so wrong with saying: “I love my friend Lee?”
Why does this hurt you?
What is wrong with being intellectually intimate?
I provided you the insights and the tools that you’ve employed against me; why?
Lee, I admit I’ve failed. 
What is the point of continuing to beat me up?
Do you and your peers gain some gratification from just being abusive?
The Lee I know would’ve rolled up his sleeves and pitched in to help find the way to make Tori Beach live on but apparently you’ve killed him before your plans to kill me.
I have no regrets or remorse for making your 35th birthday a memorable experience. 
I have no regrets in life with Lee at all.
The abhorrent, self-destructive addict injected into my life; destroyed our life by poisoning Tori Beach with chemical escape, the man who loves and admires you through lies and deceit coupled with open abuse.
The delivery system is my objection.
I pray Karmic rewards strike swiftly to the Pushers.
Why did you feel obligated to shit all over my birthday?
What did I gain Lee?
Did that make you feel powerful?
Why are “power & control” issues at all Lee?
Did you enjoy the torture?
Founded in your construct of “with me” as clearly stated but you abhor ever existed.
Did you enjoy inflicting the pain?
It was your requirement for total destruction; murder by suicide.
Prime suspect.
Not attracted to older men.
Tori Beach is dead and I’ll go to my grave knowing I killed her because, in my heart and head I know to continue is sure death for both of us and I’m not being that kind of drama queen now or ever.
The magic and the positive energy of this place is and was the atmosphere of love and acceptance, the freedom, the unconditional love that is envied by others that you enjoyed and that drew the magic, the men, the laughter, freedom and joy of pure bliss in life now; Nirvana.  That was the only joint endeavor that qualified as “our” and the one you intentionally poisoned with playtime with Frankie on 4th Ave N who baited you in, turned you on to Crystal Meth and injected it into my life through you.
I freely admit to applying positive touch therapy to delivering messages of positive reinforcement and healing positive strokes to my friend Lee out of love and compassion because I saw; I felt your pain; your negative charges building and that confession is perhaps the first turning place.  Do you really think that helping a friend feel better about their self, their core being is a malicious or evil act?
There are no bonds, there are no ties holding you and that was clearly seen by the opportunistic bottom-feeders among whom you dwell now.
Why is that Lee?
Are you really that much a coward that you encouraged the lie, inflamed the fraud and manipulated the hate because your friend loves you and works diligently to the very best of his ability to help keep you fed, happy, healthy and secure?
I have an appointment with the Sun Coast Mental Health people in the works now.
I have kicked over into suicidal mode and am doing battle with myself so I have nothing, absolutely nothing left.
I miss my friend Lee.
I have contacted several resources for assistance in the electric and past due rent through out this process and continue to seek assistance now as I have for the past months without success which just beats me down even more.
I cost us Tori Beach by doing what I was able in doing my best while working and going broke.
Do you have any comprehension of what that feels like Montgomery Lee Freeman?
How would you feel parroting the script while your friend is out playing and partying; having a good time at your expense then comes home and delivers recovery time, anger, meth rage and abuse as his demonstrations of gratitude and recognition of the reality of my life within the confines of Tori Beach?
Do you have any ability to grasp that concept?
None of that matters.
I know you feel betrayed just as I.
I am sorry. 
I do apologize for my rage and hurtful remarks.
I will not ever apologize for loving my friend Lee now or ever to anyone.
I remain your friend,

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